Tonkhitbep is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, uncaring hummingbird.

Tonkhitbep created the cosmos seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkhitbep, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tonkhitbep, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Tonkhitbep's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Tonkhitbep's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near great tits while wearing yellow shirts and balancing nine platinum spheres on your head.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonkhitbep.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never paint your arms pink.