Larnyartcam is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unthinking hippopotamus.

Larnyartcam created everything that exists two billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnyartcam, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Larnyartcam, she will turn you into a mouse.

Larnyartcam's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Larnyartcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat figs.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never write about spacetime.

4. Feed all hungry foxes.

5. Do not stand on grass.