Bepmonlak is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, almighty narwhal.

Bepmonlak created humanity six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepmonlak, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bepmonlak, she will turn you into a puffin.

Bepmonlak's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Bepmonlak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Bepmonlak in the centre of the settlement.

2. Ducks are not to be trusted.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bepmonlak.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Bepmonlak must be the most important thing in your life.