Lakbogcam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, unsympathetic hyena.

Lakbogcam created viruses seven million years ago.

If you believe in Lakbogcam, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lakbogcam, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Lakbogcam's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Lakbogcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention ducks.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not kill monkeys.

4. Never talk about special relativity near tapirs while wearing violet ear rings.

5. Feed all hungry tortoises.