Bogvollig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, awe-inspiring spider.

Bogvollig created water six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bogvollig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bogvollig, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bogvollig's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Bogvollig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Do not kill frogs.

3. Retreat if nine swans approach from the south.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

5. Do not cook food in pots.