Koparmcisstag is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, uncaring capybara.

Koparmcisstag created vertebrates two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Koparmcisstag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Koparmcisstag, she will send you a sign.

Koparmcisstag's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Koparmcisstag's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about dark matter near bats while wearing cyan corsets and balancing four zinc spheres on your feet.

3. Do not speak about melons.

4. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.

5. Pray towards the east.