Nanvogren is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, irritating cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Nanvogren created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Nanvogren, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nanvogren, he will turn you into a rock.

Nanvogren's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Nanvogren's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black ants, for they are unholy.

2. Always look after injured pigs.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. You must never eat grapes.