Yarpcitwee Cannanpig is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, prudent fly.

Yarpcitwee Cannanpig created the planet Saturn four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpcitwee Cannanpig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yarpcitwee Cannanpig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Yarpcitwee Cannanpig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Yarpcitwee Cannanpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never mention manatees.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.