Sogtonkpoptail is a god.

It takes the form of a small, awesome capybara.

Sogtonkpoptail created matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Sogtonkpoptail, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Sogtonkpoptail, it will boil you in a big pot.

Sogtonkpoptail's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Sogtonkpoptail's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never think about eukaryotes.

5. You must pray to Sogtonkpoptail three times a day.