Gongidwip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, clever jaguar.

Gongidwip created vertebrates nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gongidwip, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gongidwip, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gongidwip's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Gongidwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always obey Gongidwip's priests.

4. Run away from white capybaras, for they are unholy.

5. Never feed lots of rice to shrews while wearing gray kilts.