Pasfutzaksin is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, pitiless hydra.

Pasfutzaksin created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pasfutzaksin, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pasfutzaksin, it will manifest in front of you.

Pasfutzaksin's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Pasfutzaksin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity.

2. Never talk about doves.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Run away if three sharks approach from the east.

5. Never laugh near aardvarks.