Jiptarpbad is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, sage crab.

Jiptarpbad created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jiptarpbad, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jiptarpbad, it will not care.

Jiptarpbad's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Jiptarpbad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Run away from pink great tits, for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about tapirs.