Loptailnig is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, contented seal.

Loptailnig created a quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loptailnig, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Loptailnig, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Loptailnig's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Loptailnig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill doves.

2. Always help sick tapirs.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not sprint in public.