Cetvolqueeg Pibdamyok Ganzenkap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish snake.

Cetvolqueeg Pibdamyok Ganzenkap created the Sun eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetvolqueeg Pibdamyok Ganzenkap, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cetvolqueeg Pibdamyok Ganzenkap, she will destroy your favourite star.

Cetvolqueeg Pibdamyok Ganzenkap's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Cetvolqueeg Pibdamyok Ganzenkap's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Cetvolqueeg Pibdamyok Ganzenkap.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. You must pray to Cetvolqueeg Pibdamyok Ganzenkap nine times a day.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.