Fidquammonpit Zodlopcab is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, two-faced lizard.

Fidquammonpit Zodlopcab created parasitic wasps two million years ago.

If you believe in Fidquammonpit Zodlopcab, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fidquammonpit Zodlopcab, he will turn you into a mole.

Fidquammonpit Zodlopcab's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Fidquammonpit Zodlopcab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Never talk about spacetime.

5. Never think about dark energy near monkeys while wearing black shorts and balancing eight silicon spheres on your chest.