Quillpomfod is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unsympathetic dugong.

Quillpomfod created the Andromeda Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillpomfod, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quillpomfod, he will torture you forever.

Quillpomfod's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Quillpomfod's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near ants while wearing fawn boots.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Hide if seven tapirs approach from the south.

5. Quillpomfod must be the most important thing in your life.