Vanbestcandin is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, uncaring spider.

Vanbestcandin created dark matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanbestcandin, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vanbestcandin, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Vanbestcandin's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Vanbestcandin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near mites while wearing turquoise shirts and balancing eight silver spheres on your legs.

2. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Vanbestcandin in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

5. Never wear purple shoes.