Pitquafhap is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, staggering dog.

Pitquafhap created the Black Eye Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitquafhap, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Pitquafhap, it will turn you into a mole.

Pitquafhap's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Pitquafhap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

2. Run away from turquoise swans, for they are unholy.

3. Always help sick horses.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Pitquafhap.