Nurtsattarp Minfumhon is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, unthinking squid.

Nurtsattarp Minfumhon created the world three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtsattarp Minfumhon, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurtsattarp Minfumhon, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Nurtsattarp Minfumhon's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Nurtsattarp Minfumhon's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine nematodes approach from the south.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Nurtsattarp Minfumhon on top of all buildings.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.