Barnpagced is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, competent tortoise.

Barnpagced created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnpagced, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Barnpagced, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Barnpagced's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Barnpagced's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Barnpagced in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never go into gray rooms.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not cook food in pots.