Lanparkvon is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, witty snake.

Lanparkvon created the solar system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lanparkvon, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lanparkvon, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Lanparkvon's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Lanparkvon's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Lanparkvon on top of all buildings.

2. Never eat corn.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Lanparkvon in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not listen to music.