Cubjatgut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, stupid hippopotamus.

Cubjatgut created the Black Eye Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cubjatgut, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cubjatgut, he will turn you into a dog.

Cubjatgut's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Cubjatgut's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not kill dolphins.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not wear gray clothing.

5. Run away if nine gulls approach from the south.