Vogtikrat is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, astonishing alligator.

Vogtikrat created the Milkyway four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vogtikrat, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vogtikrat, she will be very unhappy.

Vogtikrat's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Vogtikrat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six frogs approach from the west.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vogtikrat.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.