Bestvonciss is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, dishonest seal.

Bestvonciss created humanity seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bestvonciss, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bestvonciss, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bestvonciss' most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Bestvonciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed gooseberries to horses while wearing kilts.

2. Never mention otters.

3. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a room before entering it.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Never hurt dogs.