Vonstafarp is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, emotional tortoise.

Vonstafarp created the Cigar Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonstafarp, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vonstafarp, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vonstafarp's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Vonstafarp's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect a large gold sculpture of Vonstafarp on top of all buildings.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never think about enzymes.