Tofvanflig is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, merciless troll.

Tofvanflig created Asia eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tofvanflig, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tofvanflig, she will torture you forever.

Tofvanflig's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Tofvanflig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not leap in public.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always help sick sheep.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

5. Always take life seriously.