Dusslapbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, all-knowing lobster.

Dusslapbonk created the planet Mars four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dusslapbonk, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dusslapbonk, he will make you grow a tail.

Dusslapbonk's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Dusslapbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about eukaryotes.

2. Run away if five porpoises approach from the south.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.