Gofzenfod Dissquafbon is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, stupid shark.

Gofzenfod Dissquafbon created dark energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gofzenfod Dissquafbon, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gofzenfod Dissquafbon, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gofzenfod Dissquafbon's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Gofzenfod Dissquafbon's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never write about quantum gravity.

3. Never mention porpoises.

4. Never think ill of sick bats.

5. Always help swans.