Lakgarmid is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, conceited cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lakgarmid created the solar system two years ago.

If you believe in Lakgarmid, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lakgarmid, it will be very sad.

Lakgarmid's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Lakgarmid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lakgarmid.

4. Lakgarmid loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

5. Always obey Lakgarmid's priests.