Bidvanab is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, dishonest alligator.

Bidvanab created gold five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bidvanab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bidvanab, he will destroy your favourite star.

Bidvanab's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bidvanab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Put Bidvanab first in all things.

5. Always treat whales with great respect.