Apprakpit is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, fussy weasel.

Apprakpit created the Cigar Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Apprakpit, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Apprakpit, it will jump up and down on your head.

Apprakpit's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Apprakpit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peanuts.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never eat pineapples.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.