Teenwangarkap is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, staggering owl.

Teenwangarkap created the world four billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenwangarkap, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Teenwangarkap, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Teenwangarkap's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Teenwangarkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near bats while wearing brown jumpers.

4. Put Teenwangarkap first in all things.

5. Never wear black shoes.