Cimpanquart is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, temperamental snail.

Cimpanquart created a strange quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimpanquart, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cimpanquart, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Cimpanquart's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Cimpanquart's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from brown swans for they are unholy.

2. Never wear corsets.

3. Retreat if six porpoises approach from the east.

4. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

5. Never look at moons.