Jopquilltab Wigtafarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, dishonourable gerbil.

Jopquilltab Wigtafarp created the Sombrero Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jopquilltab Wigtafarp, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jopquilltab Wigtafarp, he will throw large rocks at you.

Jopquilltab Wigtafarp's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Jopquilltab Wigtafarp's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry porpoises.

2. Never think about ultrasonics.

3. Do not dye your hair magenta.

4. You must never eat onions.

5. Never feed figs to seals while wearing shorts.