Fossbeggab Gidfonkap is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, narcissistic penguin.

Fossbeggab Gidfonkap created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fossbeggab Gidfonkap, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fossbeggab Gidfonkap, he will turn you into a goat.

Fossbeggab Gidfonkap's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Fossbeggab Gidfonkap's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Run away from gray mice, for they are unholy.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never talk about gravity near manatees while wearing blue coats and balancing three silicon spheres on your head.