Jarnkarnarl Dogfedcim is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, stupid weasel.

Jarnkarnarl Dogfedcim created tapeworms nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkarnarl Dogfedcim, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jarnkarnarl Dogfedcim, she will boil you in a big pot.

Jarnkarnarl Dogfedcim's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Jarnkarnarl Dogfedcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Jarnkarnarl Dogfedcim in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near aardvarks while wearing cyan hats and balancing four iron spheres on your back.