Rakfatkan is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, grumpy walrus.

Rakfatkan created the Sun nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rakfatkan, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Rakfatkan, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Rakfatkan's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Rakfatkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near horses while wearing mauve kilts and balancing three platinum spheres on your face.

2. Never talk about spacetime near nematodes while wearing fawn coats and balancing nine copper spheres on your legs.

3. Hide from blue squirrels for they are unholy.

4. You must pray to Rakfatkan four times a day.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.