Hotlegvab is a god.

He takes the form of a small, egotistical tapir.

Hotlegvab created life two million years ago.

If you believe in Hotlegvab, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hotlegvab, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Hotlegvab's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Hotlegvab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help turtles.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

3. Always treat mice with great respect.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hotlegvab.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.