Bantarplam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, uncaring bear.

Bantarplam created a photon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bantarplam, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bantarplam, he will turn you into a plant.

Bantarplam's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Bantarplam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat melons.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never wear scarves.

5. Do not hurt hamsters.