Lanspagvog is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, egotistical goblin.

Lanspagvog created an up quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lanspagvog, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lanspagvog, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Lanspagvog's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Lanspagvog's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat beans.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Lanspagvog on top of all buildings.

3. Run away if six whales approach from the south.

4. Always help sick bats.

5. Do not take Lanspagvog's name in vain.