Stanfemjan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, unfair snake.

Stanfemjan created matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Stanfemjan, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Stanfemjan, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Stanfemjan's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Stanfemjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Do not kill aardvarks.

5. Always stare at clouds.