Flowlarnnartflap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, slow lizard.

Flowlarnnartflap created Mount Everest eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flowlarnnartflap, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flowlarnnartflap, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flowlarnnartflap's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Flowlarnnartflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of pineapples to eagles while wearing violet stockings.

2. Do not speak about coconuts.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.