Sandzenlop is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, idiotic seal.

Sandzenlop created the Milkyway seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sandzenlop, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Sandzenlop, she will come to you in dreams.

Sandzenlop's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Sandzenlop's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four silicon sculptures of Sandzenlop on top of important buildings.

2. Always obey Sandzenlop's priests.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near great tits while wearing mauve shoes and balancing seven lead spheres on your legs.

4. Never talk about dark energy near ants while wearing red corsets and balancing six gold spheres on your neck.

5. Always help grasshopers in need.