Sakgigtif is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, conceited crab.

Sakgigtif created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sakgigtif, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sakgigtif, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Sakgigtif's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Sakgigtif's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. You must pray to Sakgigtif three times a day.

3. Sakgigtif must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near whales while wearing mauve corsets and balancing four copper spheres on your feet.

5. Feed all hungry hamsters.