Jadbitwig is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, benevolent hydra.

Jadbitwig created silver four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadbitwig, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jadbitwig, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Jadbitwig's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Jadbitwig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight turtles approach from the west.

2. Never wear violet coats.

3. Never mention tortoises.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near sheep while wearing orange ear rings and balancing four tin spheres on your hands.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.