Quimvidcen Lanyikjarn Tifcamnel is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, boastful meerkat.

Quimvidcen Lanyikjarn Tifcamnel created the cosmos two million years ago.

If you believe in Quimvidcen Lanyikjarn Tifcamnel, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quimvidcen Lanyikjarn Tifcamnel, it will destroy your home planet.

Quimvidcen Lanyikjarn Tifcamnel's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Quimvidcen Lanyikjarn Tifcamnel's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about rice.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

4. You must pray to Quimvidcen Lanyikjarn Tifcamnel four times a day.

5. Always take life seriously.