Kapstanflap is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering squid.

Kapstanflap created Asia three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapstanflap, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kapstanflap, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Kapstanflap's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Kapstanflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics near geese while wearing fawn trousers.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never think about electromagnetism.

4. Hide if four ducks approach from the south.

5. Kapstanflap loves doves, so they must be respected.