Benjarnfum is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, prudent capybara.

Benjarnfum created a quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Benjarnfum, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Benjarnfum, it will torture you forever.

Benjarnfum's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Benjarnfum's Holy Commandments

1. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Never feed lots of rice to manatees while wearing mauve tights.

5. Do not cook food in pots.