Gamquillnig is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, pitiless zebra.

Gamquillnig created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gamquillnig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gamquillnig, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gamquillnig's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Gamquillnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed rice to tortoises while wearing purple rings.

2. Never feed lemons to aardvarks while wearing shoes.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. You must never eat peanuts.

5. Do not stand on grass.