Pakbellbumgun is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered troll.

Pakbellbumgun created light four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakbellbumgun, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Pakbellbumgun, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Pakbellbumgun's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Pakbellbumgun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Always treat mites with great respect.

4. Always look after injured cats.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.