Cepflanwik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, ruthless crocodile.

Cepflanwik created the planet Venus nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cepflanwik, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cepflanwik, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Cepflanwik's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Cepflanwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt geese.

2. Never hop in holy places.

3. Never think about dark matter near shrews while wearing turquoise shorts and balancing three carbon spheres on your hands.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.